


Lions and Tigers (and no Bears), OH MY!

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Camping, F/M, Fluff, Modern AU, Rich Boy Jaime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 20:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14089269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Brienne decides to go camping for their holiday. Jaime is less than impressed.





	Lions and Tigers (and no Bears), OH MY!

Brienne rolled her eyes and stubbornly tried to ignore Jaime's grumbling. He had been moaning ever since she won the coin toss and chose to spend their two weeks off camping. Naturally Jaime wanted to jet out to a fancy spa resort in the Southern Isles, flying out on the Lannister private jet and spending the weeks being pampered and sipping on champagne.

“When I said we could both do with a mud bath,” Jaime muttered, peeling off his mud stiffened clothes, “This isn't what I meant,”

“Did you get any fire wood?” Brienne asked bluntly.

“I did,” Jaime said, kicking his bundle of sitcks towards he and tugging on clean clothes, “As well as rabies, lime disease and a thousand other deadly diseases,”

“Well let's hope they work quickly,” Brienne said mildly, “And you can shut up at last,”

“Unless the tigers and wolves eat me first,” Jaime pouted.

He peered round at the woods in which they had made base. “I never knew there were so many trees,” he said in wonder, “It's not natural. Where's the concrete? Where's the streetlights and car fumes?”

Brienne leaned back in bliss, relishing the gentle rustling of leaves and the grass beneath her back. “Gone,” she sighed, “It's just fresh air and bird song,”

“It's disgusting,” Jaime grunted.

Brienne raised an eyebrow when she caught sight of what he was wearing. “Really Jaime? A cashmere jumper?”

Jaime looked down at himself and shrugged. “You said dress warm and comfortable. And this is the only type of jumper I have,”

“What if it gets ruined?” Brienne pointed out.

“I will buy another,” Jaime said flippantly.

Of course. Jaime and his blue blood family was buys-designer-brands-without-thinking-and-trashes- them-because-they-can-level rich. Meanwhile when they first met, Brienne was a student on reduced-to-trailing-to-every-shop-she-knew-had-free-samples-to-get-her-lunch-level poor.

“You should have packed something more practical,” Brienne told him.

“I didn't pack, Pia did,” Jaime said.

“Because Seven forbid a Lannister do his own packing,” Brienne snarked.

“Actually I do think several Lannisters helped with my packing,” Jaime pondered, “Judging by the pamphlet on sex positions suited for getting, pregnant courtesy of my father, the rather contradictory condoms gifted by my brother-”

“Anything from Cersei?” Brienne asked casually.

“Broken glass and a voodoo doll,” Jaime answered promptly.

“Ah,” Brienne nodded, “She's getting friendlier then,”

It was certainly an improvement on the time Cersei gave her a box of anthrax and told her it was a biscuit tin.

Jaime buried himself in coats and his sleeping bag, huddling against the small fire that Brienne had struck.

“So cold,” he moaned, “And to think we could be relaxing in a wet room right now,”

Brienne glanced at the sky, “It will rain tonight. If the tent leaks you'll get a wet room then,”

“Perfect,” Jaime sneered.

Brienne shoved his shoulder fondly and ripped open the food cooller. She took out the sausages Jaime had brought, posh organic ones with high quality pork _naturally,_ and took out the skewers.

“Come one,” she said, “Let's start cooking these sausages.

Jaime's eyes lit up like a child. If there was one thing he was looking forward to on this trip, it was roasting sausages on an open fire. He took his sausage and pierced it with relish, squealing as the skewer slid in.

“I'm pretending it's Tormund Giantbane's cock,” he explained with glee.

“Right?” Brienne muttered, “And you're going to eat that one are you?”

Horror crossed Jaime's face and he nearly dropped the sausage, before mirth flickered into his eyes. He leant forward and crooned into Brienne's ear “And whose sausage will you be eating?”

#

The sun had faded from the sky, heavy clouds blocking out the stars and moon. The only light came from the torches and their meagre fire.

Jaime loomed forward, the flames lighting up ghastly shadows all over his face. Despite herself, Brienne shuddered and hunched over in fear. Her blue eyes were wide in her pale, blood drained face.

“He sat there, waiting and watching. He licked his lips, tongue flickering out like that of a lizard. He had been sat there for hours, lurking outside her blacony. She had no idea he was there, just as she hadn't the nights before. But tonight; at last, she would notice him. He took his stolen key, and slowly creaked open the door...”

Brienne stifled a whimper and cut him off. “Jaime,” she hissed, “It's not appropriate to use Tormund's attempts at asking me on a date as a horror story!”

Jaime sat back in satisfaction. “Effective though,” he noted, “You keep looking over your shoulder for a sign of him,”

“I do not,” Brienne muttered trucelently.

Jaime moved beside her and wrapped his arm round her shoulder. “There, there,” he assured her, “No scary gingers here. And with there being no bears in this woods, he's unlikely to turn up here any time soon,”

It was then the heavens opened. Rain poured down on top of them, causing the fire to sizzle out. Jaime took Brienne's hand and bundled her into the tent. They were wrapped in layers of pyjamas and dressing gowns and bedsocks and slippers. Their sleeping bags were state of the art and they had boiled hot water for their water bottles. Even so, the cold seeped through their skin and settled into their bones.

“It's too cold,” Jaime announced, tugging Brienne towards him, “We shall have to stay close to keep warm tonight,”

Brienne stifened in his grasp, but then relaxed and nodded. Jaime slung a leg over her's and smiled into her hair, relishing the feel of her warm, muscled body against his own.

Alright, Jaime was willing to concede, there may be one or two slight benefits to camping.

 


End file.
